Sunday, July 16, 2006

feels good to be home

i was so happy when i saw the top of my apartment building from afar the other day on the way back from navan. been away for 2 weeks almost brought tears to my eyes when i stepped into apartment door, i mean i was just grateful to be here again, i don't know why i feel such melodramatic emotion. arghhh......first thing i do was lay down on my beloved couch and stretched my legs, felt so good after 3 hours behind the wheel. turned on the tv and just left it on while i fell asleep. i finally home.

there is so many things i have to now that i'm back. no more procrastination, but i can't help it. hate the thought of i wasn't here for some time, went out making a little money to live and i deserve some time off to chill out. the excuse seems justified and i fell for it everytime. like right now i should be cleaning my apartment and do my laundry etc. instead here i am blogging. i'm so lazy and have no will power against myself. ok now i'm being too hard on myself. ok i think i have one more lazy and non-productive day, by tomorrow everything HAVE to be running at full speed!!!! yes that's the plan.

nothing much happening in the recent weeks. i was working, working and i guess working some more. it was good and i enjoyed it for once. guess the new crowd in this hospital are more enthusiastic, fun and laid back i must say. good to be around them. going back there again is definitely on the card if they need me. hopefully it stays that way. i came across quite good cases actually in such short period of time. one in particular was this really nice lady. she is in her 80's but a really good 80ish year old lady, hard to come by someone better than her for her age. she had low rectal cancer, unfortunately for her it has gone into some other part of her body. she had radiotherapy as a palliative measure. she is so nice when you speak to her, really frail looking and i feel sorry for her. i've seen fair enough number of patients whose life were about to end but this one just blew me away. at a round one day we asked her what can we do for her, she said very politely
" i'd be happy if i could get my glasses so i can read again, haven't read for a while coz i can't see the writings" that was unexpected, and it moved me. this lady is dying and she wanted to read. there's nothing more that we could do for her, it saddened me all of a sudden. later i made sure she got her glasses, turned out she has cataract in both eyes which has gotten worse in this year, she ought to get those operated on a few weeks ago but now she is not fit for any surgery. this poor lady could't get her wish in the end. i was crushed wish i could do more.............

i thought by now that i've worked and seen so many adversity and misfortune on people you feel immune to it. of course we sympathize and empathize those unfortunate souls. i guess there'll be couple odd ones out that would touch you and move you deeply along the way and it reminds you how vulnerable and unpredictable humans lives are, then it occured to me what future holds for me and what is waiting for me down the road. we are so, so weak and we can only do so much despite our hi-tech medical advances and knowledge, after that we just hope and pray for the best. unknowingly this is what i was taught as a child the concept of faith in destiny or the qada' & qadar. that we have the free will to steer our lives in any way that we want but eventually it's up to this force whether we got there or otherwise - a.k.a god will.

Friday, July 14, 2006

I'm back again...

Salam to everybody,

Guess where I am right now? Yela...tentula kat office mak tolong buat catering. This is the only opportunity that I have to curi2 duduk and type out a little bit of wutever...

Last nite, Syaz, My big bro Tio, lil sis kakak,lil sis kakcik and lil bro Mil we all went to umah kakak Lin di hulu langat tu. Pehhh...jauh di hujung kampung! Mak dan ayah tak larat nak pegi sebab penat semalam tak tidur tunggu Syaz di stesen bas sampai 4 jam pastu buat catering plak tu! So, kitorang adik-beradik jela berkumpul( campur ngan anak2 kakak dan Lin)Riuh-rendah gakla umah Lin tu. Mula2 Syaz yg nak masak ngan kakcik, pastu berlaku kitchen takeover la plak oleh abang Syaz si Tio tu! Syaz duduk kat luar makan durian. Rumah kakak Lin banyak buah2an. best! Tapi lepas tu terus selsema. bersin tak berhenti,nasib baik tak demam arini! Hehe...dah lama tak makan durian le katakan...

Ok, sebelum Syaz lupa, Syaz nak minta tolong sangat2 kepada Lia dan Siti untuk hantar barang2 Syaz please. Syaz kat Kubang Kerian datang memang tangan kosongla, cuma bawa buku novel yang lia belikan haritu aje untuk perjalanan Syaz balik...alaa..buku The Saffron Kitchen tu.hehe...sibuk sangat tak sempat nak concentrate baca. Ni Syaz bagi alamat saudara Syaz di kelantan tu:

PKA Ahmad Safuan bin Mohd Mokhtar,
Pejabat Kesihatan Daerah,
17500 Tanah Merah,
Kelantan Darul Naim,
Malaysia.

No tel dia: 006-019-9918572

Mula2 Syaz nak kasi alamat umah dia tapi dia kata umah dia selalu takde orang siang ari. So, its better to give his office add. Thanks a lot Siti dan Leia.

Oklah, Syaz kena cari orang suruh makan makanan yang dah sejuk tu...till the next...

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Retake of My Life...

Assalamualaikum to all my beloved friends...

Firstly, I must apologize for keeping in silence all this while. It's been quite a while isn't it? Things has been quite hectic and chaotic since my return to Malaysia. Mentally and physically. I'm sure you guys have heard previews from Farhan...

Well, I'm sure everybody knew about my recent decision to continue medicine in HUSM. It has been 2 weeks and right now I'm right in front of my mum's computer in her office (Bangi). Hehe...Quite a crazy thing o do isn't it? I arrived this morning from Kubang Kerian. 10 hours travel in the bus!!!Nasib baik ada anti-emetics yang engkorang bagi Syaz aritu. Going back again tommorow night at 10pm. Will arrive at 8am and class begin on Sunday 10am. Kerja gila betul! Have never been this homesick before. I guess the fact that it's quite possible to just pack my bag and go home contibutes to this illness. Asyik teringat rumah aje! Manja la plak! Belum plan lagi nak buat apa. Going to my sis home in ulu langat probably later. Right now tengah tolong mak buat cateringla...

Aduh...sakit jiwa rasanya minggu orientasi!Dahla kita ni yang paling tua kat situ. Rasa out of place betul! Yela..dah lama tak dikongkong la katakan. Must follow the rules, ikut cakap `abg kakak senior ' etcetc. Tak tahu kita ni lagi tua dari abang kakak diorang. Aduh...bilik sempitnya! Empat orang satu bilik yang kecil tu! Dahla jadi port tempat pondan2 melepak. Bukanlah nak kata apa, kalau ye pun janganla kecoh sangat...kan ada orang tengah depress kat katil tu...hehe. I'll survive. Aritu introduction to pathology, syaz tersengguk2 dlm kelas. Tngahhari panas sangat kot...

Ayway, thank you for all the entries in the blog after my departure. Sedih Syaz baca...terharu...we all have our own impact on each other. Sincerely from my heart, i would never find friends like you guys again, ever. Not friends but families...I LOVE you all!Rindunya Syaz nak jumpa...Bila lah agak nya?

Banyak nya yang Syaz nak cerita. Tapi kena berhenti dulu sebab nak buat catering. Oh ye, Syaz tukar nombor baru, Maxis. Aritu Syaz pakai Celcom. Maxis kalau dalam kampus sesama kitorang sms 1 sen aje. Masalahnya, Syaz sms kat korang di Ireland takde sorang pun yg balas. Maknanya tak dapat lah tu. Tak tahu plak camne Syaz nak buat. Rasanya Syaz akan tukar2 simcard tu kot. So engkorang simpan both numbers please, 017-9869496, 013-3602520. No 013 tu yg boleh sms oversea. Kalau nak contact Syaz cuba nombor 017 dulu yek? Kecuali kalau engkorang tahu Syaz balik kajang. Syaz akan pakai nombor 013 supaya senang nak sms korang.

oklah, nanti Syaz sambung cerita, kalau sempat, agak sibuk ni.yela, besok nak balik dah...Lupa plak, pasal barang2 Syaz, nanti Syaz kasi alamat saudara Syaz di Kelantan. Sebab kalau sampai di Kajang susah plak Syaz nak bawak ke kelantan. Syaz kena pakai semua buku skang sebab sistem integrated, ada anat, physio, biochem,patho,pharmaco bla2 wuteverwutnotla. Stress nya Syaz bila fikir. Bukannya ingat lagi, kena recall balik. Takpe, bukannya pandai sangat. hehe. babai semua, assalamualaikum...miss u all sooooo much!!!